The Road Never Traveled: What We've Received By Living In Costa Rica

The Road Never Traveled.

Three years ago when we moved to Costa Rica, I wouldn't have guessed that one of the side effects I would value most for myself and for our three kids is the constant shot in the arm of facing the unknown. It's never an easy feeling but it's quite impossible to avoid when you are forced to face it on a daily dosage.

"On today’s journey to the future you don’t have a choice between the road less traveled and the road more traveled. No one has been where you are going. No one has experienced the future you will experience. The only choice you have is the road never traveled." HB Gelatt 

It's great when it looks like this:

or this:

and I'd be lying if I didn't say that we've learned not to put things off that we want to do or see and that means getting out and about.

But sometimes, it looks like this:

In your bed or in your room. Twice in one night. This recently happened when we were traveling with Swedish friends we met 20 years ago backpacking around the world. 

My friend's reaction (brave as hell and honest at the same time about how much it terrified her) got me thinking about what's happened to our kids over the last three years and how it adds up.

Persistence. Living abroad delivers you a lot of obstacles. There's not a lot of room for giving up on a daily or hourly basis. The obstacles start looking more like chance events or something to move through, around, under, or over. Because time has a quality of finiteness (How much longer will we be here? That's a real question.) taking action or inaction is easy to spot. 

Flexibility. You have to become really adaptable. There's a lot of 'unfolding' that happens and things that just can't or won't be rushed. One of my Swedish friend's said he would go crazy living here when we attempted to buy him a chip for his phone. The sitcom-esque experience that took place in the shop was just another day on my end but drove him nuts when he viewed the interaction through the lens of Scandinavian efficiency and customer service. I'm not saying for a second ineffieciency should be to a model to follow or that I don't get driven absolutely crazy sometimes, but I have found that it's easier to be mindful of my reaction because it's in my face all the time. 

Risk-taking. There's a lot more shifting of this behavior into the 'necessary' category. There's just no way around it. There was a recent article that was titled, 'The Odds are Better than you Think' that talks about the human habit of over-estimating the probability of something going wrong. And how we underestimate our ability to handle the consequences of risk. Or that pesky way that we tend to exaggerate the consequences of what will happen when things go wrong. . .

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.

-Horace

In a nutshell, there's just a hell of a lot of chances for things to go wrong, and they do. And to doubt ourselves, and to have to jump anyway. I'm convinced that one of the reasons that people love to visit Costa Rica so much is the ubiquitous zip-lining. The Swedes tell me it's the first thing that pops up in a search about the country. Sure, the beaches and sloths are exhilarating to experience, but it's nothing like facing yourself and coming out whole. Every time (and it's often) I see the kids do it I am grateful for taking the sabbatical plunge which turned into becoming an expatriate family.

20 years ago we met 'The Swedes' on the deck of an Indoneasian ship. We would go on to miraculously meet up again in Hong Kong on a street corner (these were the days before cell phones so that our plan worked felt like a miracle). We went on to travel through China together, meet in Sweden and later in France. We love them in a way that is profound. Together, we experienced serendipity and the wonder that is possible when you travel. Now our collective children are the ones playing hours of card games, fording rivers, and surmising what makes a place phenomenal or 'meh'. 

When we talked about pursuing the plan we hatched 20 years ago to motorcycle the Silk Road once the kids have left the roost, the kids first reaction was, "But we want to come too!" 

The roads we've traveled with 'The Swedes' are precisely the ones I would never ever give up, they've been amongst the most meaningful, exhilarating and fun of my life. 

It's January 2015. How long have you been thinking about traveling or taking a family sabbatical? 

Don't let the fact that there's no bridge slow you down. 

Costa Rica with Kids---"first with your head, then with your heart"

Life as an expat or as a sabbatical family is as nutty as regular life. A favorite expat family recently lamented that friends back in England picture them in the pool sipping a pina colada when in fact, he reflected, that the same demands of life continue, just in a different location with different challenges. Back in London he wasn't worrying about a python on his patio- true story!

So, I stumbled upon this post that somehow never got published. I had to laugh because we've just moved again- after 4 houses we have finally found home. We don't regret the journey and this way we know how to spot a great gig when we see it. More on our new place and how to choose a locale another day.


____________This would have been penned more than two years ago:


We've moved. We've had 9 guests. We've had a power cord left behind in the States. . . you get the picture. Hello again.

Looking at the Continental Divide as winds from the Atlantic and Pacific pummeled from different directions.

We've also officially passed the six month mark living here. The kids can hold their own in Spanish and I know how to renew my car insurance with the national company. Gigi can take out arachnids and other creatures without hardly missing a beat. I told her she would probably be reincarnated as a Jain at the rate she's going. . .

***Update:
Gigi two years later is reading Don Quixote in Spanish and J just finished reading a novel in Spanish by a Chilean (Sepulveda) that is taught in University. Now, Costa Rican's look at them to communicate as if I can't speak Spanish because although I'm probably more fluent, their accents are more authentic.

Back to two years ago:

We've spent most of the last 6 weeks seeing the country through the eyes of guests. Costa Rica is the little country that can. Over 25% of the country is protected---a great thing for us all considering this tiny place, 181 times smaller than the US, contains 5% of the world's biodiversity.

That's considered the highest density than any other country in the world.  What does that mean? 35,000 types of insects to keep Gigi busy. Over 50 species of hummingbirds. 10% of known butterfly species reside in Costa Rica. 175 different types of Amphibians live in Costa Rica- 85% of which are frogs. 225 reptiles are found in Costa Rica- we've been lucky to have had only encounters with snakes killed by the Nicaraguans who have worked the two places we have lived. We have, however, stood over wild crocodiles and so did my hair! There are 894 species of birds in Costa Rica. Gigi spotted a scarlet macaw recently and more than once we've had the honor of seeing and hearing toucans; there is something wildly impossible about their heavy beak and rainbow colors that make your hair rise for reasons other than does a crocodile.

Photo by expat Paul

Update: I saw these two the morning of my birthday recently, they were an incredible present.

There are 6 active volcanoes in Costa Rica and 61 dormant ones; we now live at the foothills of an extinct volcano. Nearly 20 years ago Rick and I camped below the active Arenal Volcano here in Costa Rica and woke up with a grey tent from the ash--- seeing the orange lava burst upward and spray out like a fireworks show in the middle of the night, is one of my top life experiences---it was also one of the scariest! In the pitch black, it felt like we should be running to get the heck out of dodge!

Sadly, Arenal went dormant in 2010. We will go back there in a couple of weeks with good friends from Washington, the hot springs are still flowing and it is a favorite place to visit for one and all.

Update: visiting our favorite hot spring hotel in Arenal a couple of months ago

Life goes on by way of learning.

Gigi's creation for her presentation on medicine during the Black Death

The flora never ceases to amaze. Just moments after this photo was taken our toddler would bend over to smell a flower only to illicit shrieking from our guide and panic. He described it as poisonous- sure enough, before our very eyes a giant blister appeared on her nose. Days later it would look like she'd face planted on asphalt after being thrown from a bike- it was that bad.

*Update: she healed, but she has a series of freckles exactly in that spot.

There are over 200 species of Heliconias, we are reminded daily about the magic of nature.

Growth abounds in all ways. Especially in each of us.

Update:

This kiddo has now danced, sung and recited in more Costa Rican independence days than in her native country. It's an odd realization.

Here she is in this year's 2014 event. She's the far left with the flower headband. 

So much has happened in the last couple of years. A dead goat . . . jumping off of waterfalls, a tarantula in the car,  feeling like the language acquisition would never happen,  getting used to driving in a country where road signs are as scarce as snow in the winter. . . 

We've grown up 

from when we first started writing about family sabbatical back when we spent some time in Andalucia

 But our experiences remain with us

Marrakech when the kids were in 4th and 6th grade

The good

and the bad (and boring)

The biggest lesson has been about not holding back.

Jumping into the very things that seem the most difficult.

 And when you are on sabbatical a lot will be difficult.

But even more will take your breath away.

Over

and over.

I love the direct communion with wonder that happens with frequency if you choose to do this with the short and precious life we have.

You find out that you might start out hating papaya and grow to like them.

You learn that stopping to take in a sunset over the ocean always is worthwhile.

That there are as many different beaches as there are people and each one has their magic.

Thanks to all of you who reach out wanting to talk about your own family sabbatical. I had a chance to sit down just yesterday and talk with a family whom I met via the blog last year and are now living here in Costa Rica with their four children. I've marveled at how well they have slipped into life and what a great job they do at enjoying it. 

It reminds me that the hardest thing about a family sabbatical might just be 

taking the plunge to do it. 

If you want to talk about it, reach me at familyintow@gmail.com

I titled this post 'First with your head, then with your heart' because at the time, I was reading the great South African novel, The Power of One. Embarking on our third year of living away from the US, in a Spanish speaking country and where our children have also had to learn French, I will say that the experience changes you: first with your head, and then with your heart.

________________________________________________

From the first months of living here:

Moving abroad: First Takes

From a trip to Oxford, England on our first Family Sabbatical:

"The Best Museum Ever!"

Costa Rica in August and September- rain with a twist. No regrets.

 I wondered if we would have any regrets or doubts about deciding to stay on after returning from a great trip home to the Northwest. . . as usual, the kids resilience and strength continue to out-everything than I can imagine. Not even buckets of water dumping each afternoon is enough to scare them off.





The kiddos are well.

There is no question that having a year under your belt makes a big difference. 

Gigi in the first weeks of school has been a trooper with tough assignments like analyzing population data for a paper on India or conjugating 50 irregular verbs for a French test. J is tackling French like he goes after a soccer ball--- with determination, grit and some raw talent for emulating a killer French accent. Well, the latter comes from hearing his friend Pierre speak to his Mom. Lucky dog!

The boy behind the French accent (he also speaks English, Spanish, and German fluently)--- isn't that obnoxious??? He also owns a hedgehog!

 There is no question that having to learn Spanish has helped J figure out language acquisition as an academic endeavor. His French teacher is direct, tough, and teaches in a way that last year might have sunk him. The two older kids went through a week of meditation training called, "The Art of Living". That's probably a whole post in itself. Baby-O is fully a Little Girl-O who has jumped into her first year at The European with abandon. She sings every day to live violin and piano. She bakes bread. Rolls down hills (dang the white shirt uniform!). And will have no formal academic work. I am not worried. Seeing her break away to run into school every day is enough for us. 

Studying one of the many sculptures on campus. Yes. She had just realized it was anatomically correct!

Little Girl-O (hmmm will have to have her pick another moniker!) was an Indian to celebrate Independence Day.

Gigi and J on the other hand had to pick up trash. . .for 3 hours.

The school pushes. Challenges. But. . . as I recently caught these words by Eleanor Roosevelt posted on one of the school boards it reminded me why we are here.

"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience"

Seeing a cockroach giving birth sure nails that.

Yes. That sac will produce between 15-40 beauties.

Moving on to the question of whether or not this is all a cakewalk in paradise? Perfection on a tropical platter? No way. After darting to my car in a tropical downpour yesterday I will say I feel like I have evolved. . . feeling something by my ear I knew by now to tackle it like the kids' do their schoolwork: swiftly, aggressively and completely. Yep. In a millisecond a small roach struck the odometer panel and disappeared into what? A crack that I didn't even know existed. I drove on numbly only pausing to give thanks that the 48 cows who live down the way were just about to be put out to pasture but hadn't begun their slow trek down our single track road yet. That seemed a bigger triumph than the disappearing roach act. Yeah. Paradise on a platter all right. Note to anybody coming to Costa Rica. Check your hats before placing on head!

It's hard to be too grossed out anymore because living here you have to appreciate the reality of co-existing with it all. Our great old friends the 'Bah-bers' from Tucson came and spent some weeks in country and we couldn't have had a better time with such gracious and hilarious people. Brent is the one above in blue clearly super into seeing a sleeping scarlet macaw on a night hike we did in the Monteverde Cloud Forest. Yes, we also loved seeing a gargantuan white rat that scaled a tree faster than we could blink. Oh yes. The neon snakes hanging from tree branches didn't cease to thrill. Thank God Bridget Barber taking some um, roaches home by accident only led to virtual laughter.

In your mind's eye you imagine this:

But there is a whole lot of this:

This baby was over our table at a restaurant. We were eating outside. . .

Oh, and Little Girl-O was lying in the hammock with Rick when she pulled something that looked like this out from one of her legs:

Bet you didn't know that these guys have little spikes with a toxin on them to boot. Her leg is still healing and we sure won't think about caterpillars in the same way.

Come visit anyway! 

What's not to love??? As long as it's behind glass at Monteverde! Our littlest ones loved looking at a massive insect collection at Selvatura while the big kids zip lined.

It's up in the air who had more fun.

At least the insect group didn't get so dirty!

We go back to preschool days with the Bah-bers and it was a blast to see the kids having so much fun after all of these years.

Especially over crocodiles!

Or buying fruit on our way to the beach. 

Or Jonah and I killing our coming ashore!

So two seconds earlier we looked like this:

We proudly stepped out of our vessel thank you.

Speaking of friends, I was so happy to spend my birthday with my fellow Year of the Pig and born on the same day friend extraordinaire Denette and 2 of her sons who came to visit and make a visit to Nicaragua and back again.

There's one of the boys showing J how to take on a bota bag!

And the other!

What's not to love about spending your birthday weekend with paella, Flamenco and sangria??

You just know this guy has one whale of a life story. . . Don Vicente a Spaniard expat owns the restaurant, Lluna de Valencia, and beginning from his days of as a friar to working in war zones, and throw in being displaced more than once- it'd be worth a trip to Costa Rica just to meet him. He will squirt wine into your mouth so be prepared!

He is such a generous guy that he loaned me a massive paella pan to make a fuss of my own for my birthday. I was up the night before in a panic about what the heck I was thinking to attempt  such a feat for a crowd but we got super lucky. I had Dieter the South African Fire God, turning the fire 'up or down' and it was a great celebration. I am incredibly blessed to have made such nice friends here. Eduardo serenaded on his guitar. Tara stayed until 2am to help me do dishes. The kids made a tremendous ruckus of their own but it felt like a great start to this next year on the planet.

Vicente taught me to put the rice on in the form of a cross and it struck me that being on sabbatical and then becoming an expat has been closer to a Hail Mary pass than anything. You wish. You hope. You imagine. But you never really know how it's all going to turn out. One big lesson I have learned this year, and I think the kids' have too, is that trying is the hardest step. 

The paella came out better than I could've imagined. So has our time here. I'm glad I didn't think too hard about any of it before taking the plunge. 

Speaking of taking the plunge. It's been special to watch our friends' who came and visited us last  April embark on their own sabbatical year here. 

The girls' have been strong and game and although the first months aren't always easy, it's been fun to make memories together and see them prevail. 

Taking Carol in her new car today to a gas station for the first time transported me back to a year ago when I didn't want to take the keys from the guy who sold us the car because I was absolutely petrified to drive. . .

It turns out I had good reason to be very afraid.

 It is not easy to drive in Costa Rica because there are almost no road signs, the streets are extremely narrow and due to budgets and nature, potholes abound as do cunetas---- translate to terrifying crevasses---- the word ditch is just too much of an understatement---- that exist like a Roman aqueduct to transport loads of water during tropical downpours.

Yeah. Just like this.

From The Fitlife: Costa Rica Adventure

For the rest of my life I won't be able to reverse without neurotically checking for cunetas! Yes. I have been in them twice. One time Gigi and a friend's father had to stand on the car to bring it back to horizontal. Driving is not for the faint-hearted but it is surmountable. A lot like life here.

We are settled back in our school routine  and speaking of school, I am really excited to share with you that I am going to begin taking classes (on Monday!) towards a year-long program at UCLA to receive a certificate in college counseling. I loved the role of connecting people to the right places when I was a headhunter years ago, I can't wait to apply the same 'thrill of the hunt' in helping young people get to where they want to go. Wish me luck!

 Oh, speaking of luck, please channel Gigi some as she competes in her first Fencing Tournament this weekend. We couldn't be more proud of her.

Lest you remember only the scary stuff- I will leave you with some images of the last weeks. Miss you!

J coming off a surfing afternoon.

My yoga mates came to the house for a celebratory birthday yoga class and as always, I was reminded how much fun it is to have a sense of play. I felt only younger!

Our Boxer, Roman will be making the long trek from WA to Costa Rica soon. Denette is responsible for this gorgeous photo!

Lastly, I wanted to take you along for the walk that I do from our house. It never ceases to feel surreal that this is an 'out the door' walk. Can't wait to share it with you.

There were creatures in that giant of a flower. The lane shows you how the hike begins.

Right before I was going to post this I found pictures that Gigi took of our 'hike out the door'. I know Bridget, you are still having nightmares about it! There are some maneuvers involved which Gigi captured wryly.

I continue to be amazed that I share this journey with so many of you, more than 5000 folks have visited since our last post, I am corresponding with one family thinking about taking the plunge. All I can say is that it'd be a lie to say it's all been easy or a fairy tale and equally a lie to say that we regret our decision to change everything in less than a month and be landed in Costa Rica. If you have arrived at this blog because you are thinking about taking a sabbatical or a trip abroad with your kids of any age. . . go and buy your ticket. You won't regret it. If you are a friend, we miss you and hope to see you here. Thanks for reading and as always for your support.